Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
