I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
