i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
