It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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