It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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