I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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