so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
