I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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