I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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