I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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