i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The best revenge is premature balding
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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