I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
