I hope mine doesn't look like that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
