the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
