I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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