we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
