I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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