i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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