did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
