lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
