He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
