Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
