i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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