my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
