I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
