Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
