How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
