I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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