I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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