dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
