my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
