Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
