I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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