It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Randomize
