I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
