then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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