my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She tied me up with her honor cords...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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