The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
