The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
