The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
