Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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