it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
even my farts smell like vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
