Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
