I just saw a hot homeless man
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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