Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
