Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
