bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
