put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
