I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
