And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
