Its about making memories worth repressing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Less talking, more tequila
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
