why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
